a poem
tw: ed
July 2, 2022
girls in bikinis
i wish i could wear one
my search history, “is this food good for me?”
it isn’t fair
i can’t compare
i workout twice a day, barely eat
don’t tell me is not good for me
some them are just like that naturally
man that shits the dream
second choice, plan b
that's all life has ever given to me
maybe boys would think i'm hotter if i shed few pounds
or my eyes wouldn't wonder to every other girl around
sizing, staring, comparing them to me
trying to see if i'm more or less pretty
don’t tell me its vain, i know
im not fucking slow
i'm only staring because i want to be her
it's not my fault i'm insecure
jealousy is my primary emotion
i want the loving boyfriend
the perfect straight hair
the hourglass body
the beautiful girlfriends
is that too much to ask?
jealousy, envy
breaking my heart
making me bitter, but i know its my fault
i'm not ugly, but im buried in make up
guys don’t love me but, some would hit
guess the thought helps me not feel like shit
but only for a second, the satisfaction fades
the “goodnight” after trades, it hurts so bad
reality hits, the illusion of love is gone
but you can have it back, if you send another pic of your ass
i shouldn't have to do this to feel loved
but, i do when push comes to shove
i mean, every girl is beautiful when her legs are in the air
she's the girl.
the one that gets every guy
blissfully unaware, walking on air
just to turn them all down
heavenly, yet humble
you can’t hate her, as much as you try
because her smile is as bright as her
you know that most of her beauty comes from her heart
her perfections are limitless, her only flaw is, “she cares too much.”
i'm sorry
but im actually not
i just wanna be- them.
why not me?
i would be lying if i said a part of me didn't want to be prom queen.
so i'll keep working out, starving
i'll even try wearing a smile to emulate her warmth.
one day
if i try hard enough
i'll be a girl in a bikini
i know i will
because if im not,
i'm dead.
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